PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder


Marie-Claire: "Finding out I have PTSD has been the best thing ever"

I call myself a ‘Professional Rebel’. I inspire people for a living. I help people, who feel they don’t belong, remember who they are and find their place in the world. So, just imagine the field day my little head went on when me, a happiness teacher, went to the doctors and asked for ‘happy pills’.

Surely that’s cheating, right? Well, that’s what the little voice in my head told me. Oh, it tried its very best to fill me with shame. But you know what? There’s no shame in asking for help.

I repeat. There is no shame in asking for help. And one thing I’ve learnt about shame in my time is that shame likes quiet. It likes secrets; that is the way it has its hold over you.

So, instead of keeping it secret, I wrote a blog and shared my experience. You see, the antidote to shame is sharing. Share with people you trust and who aren’t judgmental and shame loses its power. Choose a friend, a counsellor, the Samaritans – just air it out! Take its power away! There’s an awesome TED TALKS about this that I would recommend giving a watch.

I’d started 2017 with a bang. My business had loads of great publicity, opportunities were flooding in and I’d lined up some work with my dream clients. I was dead proud of myself.

And I expected this to carry on and to go on some exciting adventures - the kind of external, big wide world types of adventure. The universe had other plans, though. It wanted me to go on an adventure within, to face the demons we all try to run from (or just try to ignore).

I’d started noticing a pattern. I’d smash it, create awesomeness, love it and feel amazed at what I’d created. Then BAM. I’d get sick. I’d be exhausted, my whole being would ache to the core, I’d get depressed and work would dry up. But then, I’d pull my finger out, get myself back out there, smash it, create awesomeness, love it, feel amazed at what I’d created. Then BAM. I’d get sick. Rinse and repeat.

It was subtle at first, so I didn’t notice it. I put it down to what new business was like – peaks and troughs, feasts and famines. But, as time went on, this pattern became undeniably clear – as the waves I rode got bigger and bigger, so did the crash that subsequently followed. Feeling defeated and utterly worn out by it all, I went to my doctor.

I’m not sure what’s going on. I’m here to see you about depression, but the funny thing is, I don’t feel depressed. I explained to him that, in my head, I was happy. I knew who I was; a sunny soul full of joy. I didn’t think negative thoughts anymore but, often, the life I was living was completely different to the unlived life inside me. I felt like it wasn’t my head that was depressed, but my body - I felt like it was letting me down. I had passion. I had purpose. I had drive. But I felt like some force was holding me back, preventing me from moving forward with my life.

My doctor was so understanding. He prescribed me some antidepressants and suggested I get some professional help. Taking the medication helps me function every day, taking the weight off so I can fight the heavy energy. But it’s the counselling that’s really piecing through my whole load.

A few things have come to light so far. I often throw myself into my work, but, when my body was feeling so heavy, I was struggling to get to work. When I got there, I was just freezing when I sat down at my computer. So, I decided to take a break from the business, to see if I could work out what was going on in my head.

I’m no stranger to looking inward, especially when something deeper is trying to get my attention - something that clearly needs healing. So, I came off time-suckers like Facebook and took a couple of weeks to solo-retreat: I meditated, I practised yoga, I walked the dog, I journaled, I spoke to friends and family. I went full-on with self care.

Through my counselling journey, I found out I have complex post dramatic stress disorder (PTSD). I learnt that it’s not just soldiers and people from war-torn countries who can get suffer from this. Trauma can affect anyone. We’re all different. What can bounce off one person, can really affect someone else.

Suddenly every issue, problem and random behaviour in my life made sense. Finding out I have PTSD has actually been the best thing ever. I’m no fan of labels and being put in boxes, trust me, but I’ve come to learn that giving things names and taking the time to understand them takes their power away. With things like depression, anxiety, low self-esteem or PTSD, it’s easy to see yourself as flawed, wrong or less than perfect. But I believe that it’s this way of thinking that feeds it, so then it owns you. Depression has you, not you have depression.

I see a diagnosis as a bonus. When you know what you’re working with, you can build on it and create a life around it - rather than letting it limit your life. You can learn about how the condition affects you, so you can put together your own coping plan, learning and adjusting as you go along. You have the power then, not it.

If you resonate with Marie- Claire’s story and are wanting to unravel any of these issues, know that help is out there. If you’re ready, you can start your therapy journey by simply contacting progressiveprocess@live.com.au or by clicking here.

Sophie:"Counselling helped me on the road to recovery"

My story starts when I made a change in careers. I bought myself a Ford Puma (which I loved) and, having accepted a new job, my confidence was at an all-time high! I’d had the car a week and was keen to drive it everywhere I could.

One sunny Saturday morning, I decided to go out for breakfast with my boyfriend (now my husband) and wanted to drive there. On route, along a dual carriageway, a lady pulled across in front of me to go down a country lane. I slammed on my brakes and tried to swerve out of the way, but it was unavoidable - we crashed.

It all happened so quickly. The one thing I remember most was my husband saying to me "We’re going to crash". The car flipped and rolled into some bushes. We ended up upside down hanging from our seatbelts. My husband managed to get himself free, kick the windscreen in and help me out the car. People stopped to help us before the ambulance arrived. My right arm and face were covered in blood and my whole body was aching. The elderly woman was shaken up but, thankfully, she was fine and so was my husband. We went to hospital, I had my ear sewn up, my arm glued up and my fingers strapped up.

The few days after were hard. I was feeling very shocked and emotional still, and the whiplash was so painful. But, more than anything, I was just so happy to be alive.

We started a compensation claim. The woman took responsibility for the accident and the solicitors sent me to a number of medical examinations, including physiotherapy for the whiplash, and to a plastic surgeon (for my ear). For me, the process was hard. I had to keep retelling and reliving what had happened and had people constantly asking questions. Obviously, they were just doing their job, but it felt a bit of invasion of privacy.

I also went to see a counsellor, to help me get back in the car initially. She was nice but my problem is I really struggle to talk about my emotions and my feelings with anybody, so sitting with a stranger can be a real struggle for me. I didn't say much but I did get back in the car, so we called it a day. I was quite relieved to not have to keep attending the sessions anymore but didn't feel like I had closure.

Whilst I managed to drive around my local area, I still avoided dual carriageways and felt anxious and tearful before I got in the car. I constantly felt that other cars were going to pull out in front of me. I suffered with bad dreams about the car accident and kept getting flashbacks of the accident every time I got in a car - even as a passenger. I was told I was suffering from post-traumatic stress.

A few months on, a psychiatrist referred me for CBT. Again, I struggled with this; I felt I was being pushed to drive. I ended up telling white lies about how far I was driving, just so it could be over with. As time went on, I drove less and less. Local journeys would set me off in a surge of tears and panic. I couldn't sleep if I knew I had to drive the next day. It was slowly taking over my life, I couldn't get a grip on the emotions.

Then, I lost the new job I’d been offered. They couldn't wait for me and I couldn't/didn't want to drive for a few months after. I felt like I’d let my anxiety win, but I put so much pressure on myself it was just getting out of control.

I had pretty much given up on driving completely when I finally decided to give counselling another shot. I met my Existential counsellor, feeling apprehensive and nervous. I had pre-warned her about how bad I am at talking about my feelings, but she made me feel as comfortable as possible and came across warm and understanding. I know I am not the easiest client for counsellors, as I really struggle to talk about how I am feeling with anybody, let alone a stranger. And I can probably come across as uncooperative and uninterested, which is not the case.

But she was so patient with me, not pushing me to talk about stuff if I wasn't ready to. A few months into counselling (around Christmas time) I was starting to struggle. I felt like I wasn't talking enough and pressuring myself that it was something that could be fixed quickly. I felt like I should give up on it, so I emailed her basically saying I didn't know what to do; I wanted to talk but was struggling.

She emailed me back saying how well I was doing and to not be so hard on myself. She wanted to keep working with me and for me to try and take the leap of faith with her. She kept in contact with me via email over the Christmas period, which I really appreciated. She took her own time to keep in contact with me and I needed that positive mental boost.

We meet regularly which isn't always easy, as I really have to come out my comfort zone, but she makes it as relaxed as she can. We joke and laugh and she pushes me (nicely) to try and talk as much as I can every time. She encourages me to message her if there is anything I want to say in between meetings (I find it easier sometimes to share this way) which, again, I appreciate and makes me feel like we are working as a team to make things better.

I am still in the process of counselling, it's hard work but the benefits from it make it worthwhile. I still find some things really hard to talk about but, with a lot of encouragement and patience, I usually get there thanks to my counsellor! I would highly recommend counselling to anyone, I think you just need to find the right counsellor to help you talk and thankfully I have!

If you’re ready, you can start your therapy journey by simply contacting progressiveprocess@live.com.au or by clicking here.