Karin: "What my cancer diagnosis taught me about myself"
"What do you think it could be?" he asked. With my bicycle helmet resting on my lap, this is not how I had expected it to be. What do you think it could be, the surgeon asked me - after I’d found a lump in my right breast, been sent for a test by my GP, had a mammogram, an ultrasound and a biopsy. “That’s for you to tell me," I replied.
"It's cancer" he answered. "We’re going to give you chemotherapy to shrink the tumour. Then we will operate to remove what is left. After that, you will get radiotherapy. Can you please take off your top and lie over there. I want to examine you."
I did as I was told. As he pushed at the lump my tears finally started to roll down my face, silently. The other person in the room, a Macmillan Nurse, gave me a folder with stuff to read. Which I didn’t. I couldn’t. Not then. This is how I remember the moment I was given my breast cancer diagnosis, in May 2012, just a few days after my 47th birthday.
I don't know what possessed me, but as I was leaving the room I turned back and said to the surgeon, "Thank you for having been so gentle with me". I tried rescuing him from feeling uncomfortable, instead of thinking about myself. And that is the single biggest change in my life, since that day.
I had to start thinking about myself, speaking up for myself and putting myself first. When your world collapses and you are left with uncertainty and grief for what will never be, then you have two options: crumble and break, or get a bit more fearless and strong. Actually, let me correct myself. You have a third option: a combination of one and two. I crumbled a lot and broke a bit. But I also grew stronger. And this process continues, well after cancer treatment is over.
If you resonate with this story and are wanting support, know that help is out there. If you’re ready, you can start your therapy journey by simply contacting progressiveprocess@live.com.au or by clicking here.
Cancer: "All those who are touched by it"
(Understandably not everyone has been able to write about their cancer experiences, so I've written a brief article with thier permission)
Many of us are touched by cancer at some time in our lives, whether we have been diagnosed ourselves or know of someone who has been. Regardless of whether it’s yourself, a family member or a friend, a cancer diagnosis can bring difficult and painful feelings. Shock, grief, and fear are just some of the emotions you may deal with.
Psychotherapy may be offered to the patient during or after their cancer treatment, but it can sometimes be beneficial for family members and loved ones, too. Talking to a counsellor experienced in cancer issues can ease the sense of isolation you may feel and help you find ways to face the challenges ahead.
How can Existential psychotherapy help?
Coming to terms with a cancer diagnosis is difficult for the individual and their family. Anxiety, Stress and anger levels are heightened, and the idea of being in a life-threatening situation can be difficult to cope with. You may feel that you don’t want to burden your family and friends with your problems and fears. But you don't have to bear the emotional issues on your own.
Existential psychotherapists tend to be skilled in helping people with cancer and their families deal with the many emotional issues that cancer can cause. Talking to an experienced, empathetic professional can be somewhat of a relief when everyday life and relationships feel like they’ve been turned upside down. Having the support can help you and your family manage and navigate the emotions and fears that you may be experiencing.
The therapy will, of course, not cure cancer. However, it can help provide a way forward to support you during and after your treatment and deal with any mental health issues which may arise.
Talking about it can help identify, treat and start to heal your pain and turmoil caused by these experiences and feelings. It can also help to create some mental and emotional space inside to be able to consider what to do next - irrespective, or even despite, what the diagnosis might be.
Research shows that psychotherapy and particularly Existential psychotherapy can help some people overcome the depression and anxiety that cancer can cause. Having a place to talk about your feelings free of judgement can be very useful. It can overall help to reduce the stress you face and improve your quality of life.
Dealing with the diagnosis
If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with cancer, it can feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. There is often a lot of fear related to cancer; we fear the effects of the disease, the treatment, the impact it may have on our loved ones and our future. It’s thought that every two minutes someone is diagnosed with cancer.
Although we know more about cancer and various forms of treatment than ever before, there is still a great deal of uncertainty that comes with a diagnosis. The thing is, cancer doesn’t just affect your physical health, it has a big impact on your mental well-being, too. It’s normal to feel lost and confused. Many clients tend to talk about how when they first are diagnosed, they are amazed at how little they know about cancer and how unprepared they and those around them are.
The fear of death is something that may linger throughout treatment and beyond. Feelings of hopelessness and uncertainty around survival and death could all have a detrimental impact on your well-being. It's, therefore, no surprise to find the diagnosis overwhelming to deal with.
Cancer treatment
We know that coming to terms with a cancer diagnosis can have a significant emotional impact on the person, as well as their relatives and carers. But, beyond diagnosis, there are many other obstacles that can impact our mental health.
There are certain factors that can place people living with cancer at a heightened risk of developing common mental health conditions. You may be experiencing many new physical symptoms or side effects of your treatment. The physical symptoms of specific cancers can impact mental health, such as incontinence and sexual dysfunction. It can also be hard to come to terms with any changes in body image, such as weight or hair loss.
It’s common to experience a crisis of identity following a cancer diagnosis. When medical professionals assume responsibility for your recovery, it’s normal to feel like you’ve lost sense of who you are. You may feel that your new identity is being a ‘cancer patient’ but through therapy you have the chance to work through a new, refreshing and revised version of yourself.
Terminal illness
With terminal cases, psychotherapy can be an invaluable tool for everyone close to the individual, and the individual themselves. A psychotherapist can help with coming to terms with the diagnosis, dealing with practicalities, and helping those dealing with grief.
Life after cancer treatment
Cancer treatment often takes over a person’s life. You, your family and friends are all focused on it, hoping that you will recover and move on from this difficult time in your life.
So, when a person recovers from cancer, you’d expect it to be a really happy and positive occasion. But, in reality, moving on with life after cancer can sometimes prove difficult. Instead of feeling overjoyed when you’ve won (or are winning) the battle against cancer, you may be left with a feeling of emptiness, anxiety and isolation. For some people, suddenly seeing your doctors and nurses less often can be worrying.
Through therapy you have the chance to work through giving yourself time to adjust.
Fortunately, the aftermath of cancer is a common and well-understood issue. You don’t need to suffer in silence and alone, other people are experiencing the same feelings as you. Post-treatment psychotherapy can help you deal with the challenges that arise following a cancer experience. Such challenges may include:
• Addressing any emotional or psychological consequences of having survived cancer and invasive cancer treatments.
• Dealing with disfigurement or the loss of a body part (if treatment required surgery).
• Loss of one’s sense of self or identity, including loss of confidence.
• Stress and anxiety about returning back to work.
Talking to a child about cancer
Talking to children about cancer can be a frightening thought. It can be difficult to know how much to say but, although it can be hard, it’s really important to tell your children what’s happening. It can feel as though you’re protecting them by not talking about it but, without realising, it can cause them to feel frightened and worried.
What you choose to say will largely depend on the child’s age and level of maturity. For younger children, it is sometimes best to let them ask questions. Allow them the chance to ask you what they want to know. Try to use simple language to explain any changes in your appearance or lifestyle that they may notice. Focusing on practical elements, such as the details of your treatment, will also help them to understand what is happening.
Older children, on the other hand, might be less likely to open up about their own feelings. So, it’s important to help them deal with how they feel, including any perceptions that they already have about cancer.
It can be helpful to let your child’s school know, so their teachers can keep an eye out for any anxious or disruptive behaviour. The school may also know about any additional support services available to your children.
Supporting a loved one
If someone close to you has been diagnosed with cancer, it will affect you. You, too, will find yourself on your own unique cancer journey. You may have been treated for cancer in the past, have already lost loved ones or are afraid of getting cancer yourself.
So, if someone you know has cancer, you may not know what to say, or worry that you’ll say the wrong thing. But the truth is, there is no perfect phrase that is the ‘right’ thing to say. As long as you are open and sensitive to their feelings, you won’t go far wrong. Often, the most important things you can do are listening and keeping in touch.
Some people worry that if they talk to their relative or friend about cancer or their treatment, they will make them even more distressed. But, in reality, talking about the things we’re fearful of won’t make things worse, actually, talking will help. Your partner, relative or friend may be worried about many different aspects of cancer but, by asking them and understanding what they are facing, you might help them feel supported and less alone.
Talking can’t heal physical illness, but it can help you come to terms with what’s happening.
If you’re ready, you can start your therapy journey by simply contacting progressiveprocess@live.com.au or by clicking here.